Wednesday, September 24, 2014

How To Write A Check For A Wedding Card (And guarantee it gets deposited)

This is a touchy post, one I put off writing because this is a fun blog with DIY projects and budget saving tips. It's not an etiquette blog. But the more I put it off, the more I thought about posting it.

When you get a gift, you have to be grateful for it. As the bride and groom, you are inviting people to your wedding for their presence, not their presents. It is absolutely not a requirement of your guests to give you any gifts. If they do, that's very nice of them. And if they don't, that's okay.

If you're a guest and you decide to give a check to the couple, here's my etiquette tips: Write it out to the bride using her maiden name, write it out to the groom, or write it out to cash.

Find out how to write a check for a wedding card and guarantee it gets deposited in this post from www.abrideonabudget.com.

I know, you probably want to write it out to the bride with her new last name. But here's the thing: You don't know if the bride is changing her name and if she is, you also don't know when. Most suggest not changing your name until after the honeymoon so that travel documents and ID match in your maiden name. You can legally change it after then.

But if the bride takes her time changing her name or doesn't at all (like me!), and a check is written out to Mr. & Mrs. Husband's Last Name, well, that Mrs. doesn't exist. And that makes it very hard to cash a check.

Pete and I opened a joint account after our engagement party so our wedding money would go in that account where either of us could make deposits. At my bridal shower, someone wrote a check to Mr. & Mrs. Pete's Last Name. Let's give him the last name of Jones because that will make it easier for the rest of this post. So they wrote the check to Mr. & Mrs. Jones.

My shower was six months before the wedding. My last name was mine, not his. In fact three months after the wedding, my last name is mine, not his. Because his name was on the account and because it was low value compared to the rest of my deposit, the bank allowed me to deposit the check ... after authorization from a supervisor. After the wedding, though, the majority of our checks were made out to Pete & Lisa Jones. But Lisa Jones, that person doesn't exist. And I have no intention of her existing in the immediate future. Maybe when we have kids, but we'll visit that then. For now, Pete can't RSVP and say the attendees are, "Me and Mrs. Jones."

So, anyway, I took Pete with me to the bank when I was making a deposit after our wedding. I didn't want a hard time. We got there and immediately had an issue with the names on the checks. The ones in my name were fine, the ones in Pete's name were fine, but the 75% or so with this imaginary wife were a problem. Not only did the teller have to call a supervisor, the supervisor had to call someone and talk to them for a very long time to get authorization for our deposit.

It was enough time for me to reflect on the times when I had written checks for weddings and wrote them to the bride and groom with the groom's last name. I never gave it a second thought ... until I was in the bank. Now, all my checks are getting made out to cash or I'm just giving cash. A hold up at the bank teller is a minor annoyance, but a new couple should be blissfully entering into their new life. I don't want to be the cause of any annoyance for them.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Are your plans to change your last name when you get married?

35 comments:

  1. Yes I changed my last name.

    This is very good advice on to whom to make out the check. Luckily, banks are pretty lenient with deposits. Take your marriage certificate with you if you have to deposit any more of those.

    Aria H.

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  2. Great information I always wondered how I should make out a check for a wedding. I usually just get something off of the registry.
    heather hgtempaddy@hotmail.com

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  3. I changed my last name. Was happy to get rid of it for a normal name. Also why would I want a different name than my children? It's a choice of your father's name or your husband's. Either way you are taking a man's name not your own. You can write the check out to the groom and then problem solved. Rosanne rosans4@comcast.net

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  4. Great advice. Thanks Lisa. I see this problem all the time.

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  5. This is such great advice! I don't feel like it's a touchy subject at all. If a guest decides to give a gift of money, then I'm sure they want you to cash the check and spend the cash. Side note- I still haven't changed my name legally, but I use my husbands last name (and I'm just fine with that).

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  6. I changed my last name to his. But this is very good advice about when giving money, to just write the check out for cash. That way there will not be a hassle when cashing the check. But what I did is give cash! It is so much easier!

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  7. This is so true! After been given checks that I or my husband couldn't deposit back when we got married, I now know what the proper etiquette is! Luckily for us, I changed my name fairly quick..

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  8. Very interesting post and an aspect that I had not considered previously, thanks.

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  9. I had not thought about this before.Great point!

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  10. Thanks for the advice on this very important issue - which, so often, goes unconsidered!

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  11. I get a statement showing the dates checks were cashed. I wouldn't write out multiple checks, they might all be cashed. I would give a gift card or money order.

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  12. This is a topic I'd never thought of. I'll be mindful of it, but I always give a gift from the registry or a gift card. Never anything worth too much since all of the weddings I've been to in the last four or so years have ended in divorce.

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  13. I think it's worth the extra time to just go to the bank and pull out some cash as opposed to making a couple deal with a check. Safer, too.

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    1. only if you are able to give it to them in person!
      if mailing the wedding present
      (money) always write a check!

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  14. You offer some very good tips. I like just giving them cash...always afraid that a check could get lost.

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  15. I had never given this issue a thought before, good to know. I don't even use checks anymore though and haven't for many years.

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  16. I'm really glad you brought this up because my BFF is getting married this fall, and we're both feminists. I haven't thought to ask her whether she's going to take the groom's name, but I might have written the check to Mr. & Mrs. without even thinking about it. She lives several thousand miles away, so it wouldn't have been easy to correct it. Thanks for some GREAT advice!!!

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  17. I did not know there was a right or wrong way to give a check.... I have always bought a gift for a wedding present , nver even thought to give a check........ now I know... thanks!

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  18. Not something I had ever given much thought. But it makes a lot of sense.

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  19. Yeah, checks are so touchy..I stick with a crisp large denomination from the bank

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  20. How about a Visa gift card that doesn't have a name on it and can be used right away.

    slehan at juno dot com

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  21. Excellent article with some new information for me. Good to know!

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  22. I thought this was a great article. very informative !!

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  23. Oh this sounds like a wonderful idea. Thanks for the awesome tips.

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  24. You have some very valid points here and I love your tips for resolving the issue. Next time I send money to a couple who is about to be married, I will certainly do things differently.

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  25. It seems so odd to me that people still assume a woman will change her name. I'm heading toward my second marriage, and my name has always and will always be *my* name... everybody makes her own choice, but it's nice to see mine being validated.

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  26. this is great review===explais a lot ...thanks for sharing

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  27. Great point, I'll remember this for sure

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  28. good post - very useful info - and Im sure there are a lot of people (myself included) that just assume the bride will take the groom's last name! Just b/c I did doesnt mean everyone else will!

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