Tuesday, November 10, 2015

What Asking A Woman's Father For Her Hand In Marriage Is Really Like

This post is written by Pete. For all his posts, check out this link.

Hey, you wanna hear a story? I hope so 'cause I'm gonna tell it either way. It would behoove you to continue reading because, for better or worse, it will elicit an emotional response from you. I know for a fact that I'm going to have fun writing it because in doing so I will have the chance to relive a very exciting moment in my life -- the day I asked Lisa's parents (not just dad, folks) for Lisa's "hand in marriage." Like most of the medieval, archaic, and sexist customs associated with the marriage process, I kind of laughed out loud thinking about this one.

Being fully aware and incredibly annoyed by this fact, I decided that I would sit down with Lisa's mother and father, and ask both of them if it was okay for me to marry their daughter. To merely ask her father, as far as I am concerned, would have been a disgusting form of disrespect to her mom ... and I kinda have this thing about respecting the people I love. Side note: If it wasn't for both of our mothers, Lisa and I would have never even met.

I was nervous, I made excuses, and I subconsciously invented things to do that prevented me from having to have the "talk." The good part is that nobody knew I was doing this because nobody knew when or even if I was going to do it.  Why did I procrastinate like this? See my post on "heel dragging." It's pretty much akin to popping the question, but without the ring. By asking for permission, you pretty much become engaged on the spot.

Eventually it got to the point where I said to myself, "Okay, this is really dumb. Man up and knock it off."

What Asking A Woman's Father For Her Hand In Marriage Is Really Like

I asked myself, was Lisa the one? Check. Am I going to marry her? An emphatic check. So then what was I waiting? Just DOOZ it man! So I did.

Back in those days, Lisa and I were living in different counties in New York. We would alternate Wednesdays to hang out. I would go up to see her one week, she would come to me the next week, etc. So on one particular week when it was my turn to travel to her, I told Lisa's parents I was coming up and was wondering if I could speak to both of them before Lisa got home from work. I assume they had to know what that meant. I remember the drive up, thinking about what this was going to mean, and what was to follow. I had a series of amazing visions, beautiful projections of scenes in the future. I remember feeling like that day marked a definitive changing of chapters, where the page would turn from boyhood to manhood.

Best of all is that it felt great. I was so nervous, I was sweating. But it wasn't out of fear, it was out of anticipation, it was out of excitement, it was born out of the visions I mentioned, the unknown, a brave new world where I had no idea what was going to happen, but I knew for a fact that it was all gonna be good.

When the time came, the words flowed out more easily than I had anticipated, more than likely because I spoke them with conviction. To be sure and confident in what you say always makes saying it much easier. The fear disappears.

And the reactions were varied by both of Lisa's parents. When I had finished speaking, Lisa's mom proceeded to tear up, speaking words that will make me smile until my last day (Lisa's note: My mom actually later told me that her emotional reaction is basically why most people don't also ask the moms). Lisa's dad then stood up, went to the fridge, and returned with a Corona for each of us. As he handed me a cold one, he said immortal words, "Welcome to the family, you're gonna need a lot of these."

BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you ask your lady's father for her hand in marriage?


  1. aw I love this story!!! My dad and I don't have a great relationship but I'm super close with my mom, so it was really sweet that my husband sort of "asked" her. She's a big old teaser and she said "What if I say no?" *sigh* my mom is not the weepy sort lol

  2. Aw, this is so sweet!! And in my opinion, a tradition that should never die!! My father isn't around for my hubby to ask but I would be so enamored by him asking my mom!

  3. You are tugging at the heartstrings. I love this story. It is so romantic. My father unfortunately has passed.

  4. No one does this any more, it its a great thing. This story was beautiful.

  5. Love it! Sounds like the in-laws have a sense of humor, and beer. What more do you want?