Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Kate Spade, Wedding Planning, And You Matter

It's impossible for me to do this post justice and yet, I feel compelled to try. Because Kate Spade is so intertwined with my wedding ideas, and because Kate Spade committed suicide yesterday.

Social media was filled with celebrities and normal people posting memories of their first Kate Spade bag. From Chelsea Clinton to Viola Davis to women who posted on the Kate Spade New York Facebook page, everyone had a story about a Kate Spade bag.

I don't.

I don't own a Kate Spade bag. Kate Spade eventually sold to Coach, and I have a few Coach bags from the outlet, so that's as close as I've gotten to a Kate Spade bag.

I've gotten closer to suicide, to mental illness, to depression. Things that Kate Spade had in her final moments.

She had fame, money, success, a daughter.

She also had her demons.

Because no amount of love, no amount of designer handbags, no amount of adoration from fans or women who remember their first Kate Spade bag can fight your demons. Sometimes, you can't fight them.

When I think about Kate Spade, I think about gold chevron, not handbags. I think about delicate gold earrings that are perfect for wedding day and black-and-white striped monogrammed tumblers that are perfect for bridesmaid's gifts.

Wedding planning, sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it's stressful. And at some point you just want to throw in the towel and elope instead.

Because your childhood best friend will hold on to her RSVP just a little too long and it will drive you crazy. Your great-aunt will respond with a plus one that wasn't actually invited. Your venue will have "just one teeny tiny change" that will seem catastrophic.

But those are bad moments. They can cause bad days, but they don't cause a bad life.

If you're feeling overwhelmed -- be it with wedding planning or with life -- there are resources out there that can help you. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day by calling 1-800-273-8255.

Let this be my advice to you: Even if you're not feeling suicidal, if you're just feeling like you need someone to reach out to and to listen to you without judgement, you can call the hotline. It's not just available for your in your final moments. If you feel alone, with nowhere else to turn, you can call and talk to someone.

And the help you might be calling for might be help for someone else. You may have a friend who is in a dark place and you don't know what to do. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available for you to call, to talk to someone about your loved one, and get ideas and strategies on things you can do to help your friend or family member who is in need.

You can help prevent suicide.

No. Scratch that.

You can help try to prevent suicide.

Ultimately, the decision lies within the person, like it did with Kate Space. She had a 13-year-old daughter who I hope knows there was nothing she could have done differently to change her mom's situation. She has famous relatives -- very funny famous relatives David Spade and Rachel Brosnahan -- but that's sometimes not enough.

And as I sit here, trying to figure out how to end this, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw an obituary for a former coworker who died from an apparent suicide yesterday. So this can hit the famous and the not, on the same day, at the same time.

Please, hug your friends, hug your fiance, hug your parents. Call a friend in need or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you're in need.

And if you're in need of someone to help you with wedding decisions because they are too much, email me. Or if you just need an unbiased friend, email me. I'm here for you, for anything you need. Never feel alone, insignificant, or that you don't matter.

You matter. If to no one else, you matter to me because you made it here to A Bride On A Budget, you made it to the end of this post, you made it to today.

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