Unknown Costs Of Church Weddings

I've told this story before, but it bears repeating.

A few years ago, my cousin Erica got married. In New York. In March. A week before her wedding, I was sitting with my grandma as it was snowing. "Text Erica and tell her to give the church a bigger donation so they will turn the heat on for her wedding," my grandma said.

I did and my cousin wrote back, saying she already paid the church a lot.

That was the first time I had heard about paying a church to have your wedding there. In fact, my cousin didn't know about that until the church asked for money during wedding month. And, really, you don't often have extra money lying around during wedding month.

So you don't get surprised, I put together this list of unknown costs of church weddings.

Unknown Costs Of Church Weddings

Church.
This is a given. You have to pay for wherever you are having your ceremony, and a church is the same way. You are renting a space, which requires electricity, heat or air conditioning, someone to clean it up before or after, etc. So it makes sense that you have to pay for it.

We got married at the church I attended every week. When I set our wedding date, they asked if I was a parishioner. I was, but not officially. Well, the cost for parishioners was less than non-parishioners. And becoming one only meant I had to fill out a paper, since I was already coming every week.

You better believe that I filled out that form.

Priest.
Oh, the priest. I always feel like the church takes care of his "salary" and "retirement," but yet, once a year I get an envelope to donate to the priest's retirement. So it should be no surprise (although it was) that weddings are not exactly just part of the priest's salary. Instead, you have to pay him.

Okay. Not pay exactly. They called it a suggested gift, one that was asked for at our rehearsal. So not so much suggested, as loosely suggested but most required.

Alter server.
The priest needs help performing the ceremony. And who better to help than an alter server who does it every week. Oh sure, maybe you have a friend or family member who can sub in. But if the church where your ceremony is isn't their home church, they might not know where everything is or how, exactly, the priest does things. So it's easier to just pay a server from the church and save everyone a headache.

Organist.
If you're having music, someone has to play it ... and you have to pay it.

Soloist.
Same with the soloist (aka the singer). You may be able to bring your own, but that would mean coordinating with your soloist and the church organist. And the organist may charge you for that rehearsal time, so keep that in mind.

With a soloist the church recommends, you know she's probably sang these wedding songs a bunch of times. I really wanted Ave Maria sang, and our soloist had done it countless times at weddings before, so I knew it would be great. You don't want to have to worry that someone you choose will hit a few bum notes.

Liturgical assistant.
The rehearsal and wedding morning are a little hectic. The liturgical assistant is a pro and has done many weddings before yours. She is the reason everything will go smoothly and everyone will walk down the aisle when they should. Ours also was a big help with pinning on boutineers. But, yes, you have to pay her.

Flowers.
This is an odd one. You probably want to pay for flowers to go on the alter. We did.

After the ceremony, though, there was a suggestion (yes, same meaning of "suggestion" as before) to leave them behind as a donation to the church. We agreed. It made sense, though. I didn't feel like putting someone in charge of collecting them and the pew flowers, so we just left them as a donation.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What other unknown costs of church wedding did you have?

Planning a church wedding?

Be sure to read our

What Exactly Is Pre-Cana? (And answers to all your other marriage prep questions) post.

Wedding Budget Infographic

I finally learned how to put together an infographic. So fun, right?

Of course, my first infographic had to be one for setting your wedding budget. I based it off our actual wedding budget. You can click the image to make it larger, but there's also a breakdown of the costs per category below.

Wedding Budget

50% -- Reception: venue, food and drinks, decorations, set up, break down

15% -- Photography & Videography: 11% towards photos, 4% towards videos

8% -- Attire: dress, veil, shoes, suit, accessories

6% -- Music: band/DJ for the reception

6% -- Flowers: bouquets, boutineers, ceremony site decorations

4% -- Gifts: thank you gifts, favors, welcome bags

4% -- Stationery: save the dates, invitations, thank you cards

3% -- Transportation: limos for bridal party, shuttle for out of town guests

2.5% -- Ceremony: officiant, musicians

1.5% -- Dessert: cake, cupcakes, candy buffet

BRIDAL BABBLE: Which of these categories might change in your wedding budget?

Don't forget about tips!
Find out how much you need in our Who Gets Tipped At A Wedding? (And answers to all your other wedding tipping questions.).

My Chat With David Tutera

I'm not wedding professional ... yet. My ideal dream job is to be a wedding planner, but I have to get through my own wedding first. And in order to do that, I have to make the right decisions along the way.

But this is my first trip to the rodeo, as they say. So anytime there's a chance to chat with a professional -- for free -- I seize that opportunity. Like when BRIDES magazine had Peter Callahan on their Facebook chat and I asked him about wedding catering (since he is a caterer).

David Tutera is a wedding planner, so of course, I wanted to ask him wedding planner related questions. He was a guest on a  Twitter chat recently, so I asked ...

I was hoping he would say something like "limo" since that's still on my "to pay for" list. I actually have gotten a ton of feedback that says the same about favors. They're cute but not really needed, so says everyone. You don't need to give your guests a "thank you for coming to my wedding" gift, especially since you are paying upwards of $100 for their dinner, plus the extras (like a welcome bag). Personally, I love our wedding favors and since my mom DIY'd them, they ended up costing only $1.50 each. That's definitely budget friendly. And I just love favors in general. Honestly, I think you have to give them out at weddings. I'm a stickler for that. So I wasn't too crazy about that suggestion (if you need a wedding favors suggestion, though, check out our post: 100 Wedding Favors Your Guests Will Actually Take). After I asked my question, someone replied to it and I was attached, so I got to see that question and answer too (and since it pertains to budget, it fits A Bride On A Budget's vision too).
That is so very true. Our reception is about $150 a head, so if we can even cross two couples off the list, that's a savings of $600. And we aren't haphazardly giving out "plus ones" either. At the price we're paying, we really had to trim the list ... and I think we did a great job with that. If you don't feel like you can trim it, have an A list and a B list. Just make sure the B listers, if you find room for them, have enough time to reply. I hate when B listers receive a wedding invitation with an RSVP by date that has passed. There's nothing more tacky or that says, "You're a last minute invitee" than that. And finally, I wanted to ask him about Pinterest. It's a topic that we had at #BridalBabble a few weeks ago that was definitely one of the chattiest chats. It was great to get ideas from the wedding professionals who attend the chat and from engaged brides. But I wanted to see what David Tutera thought because, I mean, he's David Tutera.

I couldn't agree more. Actually, I did agree on my post about Pinterest. So a little free advice from the professional that I definitely agree with. Makes me feel like I'm on the right track. And, just a reminder to you: If you happen to see where a professional is answering questions for free (Facebook, Twitter, Snap Chat, etc.), definitely jump on it. It's worth it for the advice and the peace of mind. BRIDAL BABBLE: What do you wish you could ask David Tutera?

Picking A Venue (and setting a realistic budget)

They say when you meet "the one," you just know. And that sounds idiotic when you're single or when you're in a relationship that isn't with the right person. You think that you will fall in love with someone, get engaged, and make it work.

And then one day, you meet the one: the person who you will spend forever with, the person who you love despite the fact that she can't cook and he can't care less about reality TV, the person who makes you want to learn to cook and learn to enjoy American Idol.

You just know.

The same thing happens with a wedding venue. When you find the right one, you just know.

And with my friend Erika, she had that feeling yesterday.

She had searched for a wedding venue online countless times, never finding exactly what she was looking for. Over the weekend, she did another search. And by some stroke of luck, a venue she had never seen popped up. A venue that was perfect.

I told her she had to call immediately to make an appointment. She did ... and they didn't answer, so she emailed. And very quickly she got a response -- and an appointment.

She went today and fell in love.

The place is everything she wants. There is an area for her ceremony and reception, her photos, for the couple's "first look." Everything she could possibly want was at the venue. The price was reasonable for what she wants and when she wants (she's having a summer 2014 wedding, and, as you will learn if you haven't, summer prices are higher than winter). Of course, like every bride, she has to consider her budget.
Is this venue something she can afford? It is worth eating pasta a few nights a week to make the payments?
And, if you're like Erika, you look at the photos and think: This is the place. This is worth the sacrifices. This is worth tweaking a budget and making it work. I'm not saying put yourself on a liquid diet to afford your venue. And I'm not saying empty your entire savings account either. But be realistic.

If I asked you, on the spot, how much a gallon of gas is currently, you would know. Average price of a gallon of milk, you'd know that too. But average price of a 100 person ceremony and reception, including wait staff and clean up ... chances are you wouldn't have an idea until you started going to venues. So of course, you have a budget in mind, but you can't really create a budget until you start looking around and figuring out the cost of things.
And that's with every aspect of a wedding.
I called to make an appointment to try on dresses and the woman asked me what my budget was. "Honestly," I said, "I have no idea. It's not that I don't have a budget, per say, it's that I have no concept of what a wedding dress costs so I really can't create a budget."
And that's the same mentality you need to have when setting a wedding budget. When you get engaged, you have no idea what a wedding will cost. You can make an imaginary budget, but until you actually meet with florists and photographers, you don't know how much it will cost you to have them at your wedding.
So maybe your venue will be a little out of your predetermined budget. Maybe it's a little more than you had hoped. But it doesn't mean you can't do it. Just means you need to sit down and figure out how to do it.
Because the truth is: you only get one wedding (at least, that's what most people strive for; Elizabeth Taylor had a different experience). You should do it right, do it the way you want, and have it at the venue that is "the one." Don't force yourself to have it somewhere else, just to save yourself a little bit of money. You will absolutely regret it in the end.
BRIDAL BABBLE: How did you know you found the right venue?