Unknown Costs Of Church Weddings

I've told this story before, but it bears repeating.

A few years ago, my cousin Erica got married. In New York. In March. A week before her wedding, I was sitting with my grandma as it was snowing. "Text Erica and tell her to give the church a bigger donation so they will turn the heat on for her wedding," my grandma said.

I did and my cousin wrote back, saying she already paid the church a lot.

That was the first time I had heard about paying a church to have your wedding there. In fact, my cousin didn't know about that until the church asked for money during wedding month. And, really, you don't often have extra money lying around during wedding month.

So you don't get surprised, I put together this list of unknown costs of church weddings.

Unknown Costs Of Church Weddings

Church.
This is a given. You have to pay for wherever you are having your ceremony, and a church is the same way. You are renting a space, which requires electricity, heat or air conditioning, someone to clean it up before or after, etc. So it makes sense that you have to pay for it.

We got married at the church I attended every week. When I set our wedding date, they asked if I was a parishioner. I was, but not officially. Well, the cost for parishioners was less than non-parishioners. And becoming one only meant I had to fill out a paper, since I was already coming every week.

You better believe that I filled out that form.

Priest.
Oh, the priest. I always feel like the church takes care of his "salary" and "retirement," but yet, once a year I get an envelope to donate to the priest's retirement. So it should be no surprise (although it was) that weddings are not exactly just part of the priest's salary. Instead, you have to pay him.

Okay. Not pay exactly. They called it a suggested gift, one that was asked for at our rehearsal. So not so much suggested, as loosely suggested but most required.

Alter server.
The priest needs help performing the ceremony. And who better to help than an alter server who does it every week. Oh sure, maybe you have a friend or family member who can sub in. But if the church where your ceremony is isn't their home church, they might not know where everything is or how, exactly, the priest does things. So it's easier to just pay a server from the church and save everyone a headache.

Organist.
If you're having music, someone has to play it ... and you have to pay it.

Soloist.
Same with the soloist (aka the singer). You may be able to bring your own, but that would mean coordinating with your soloist and the church organist. And the organist may charge you for that rehearsal time, so keep that in mind.

With a soloist the church recommends, you know she's probably sang these wedding songs a bunch of times. I really wanted Ave Maria sang, and our soloist had done it countless times at weddings before, so I knew it would be great. You don't want to have to worry that someone you choose will hit a few bum notes.

Liturgical assistant.
The rehearsal and wedding morning are a little hectic. The liturgical assistant is a pro and has done many weddings before yours. She is the reason everything will go smoothly and everyone will walk down the aisle when they should. Ours also was a big help with pinning on boutineers. But, yes, you have to pay her.

Flowers.
This is an odd one. You probably want to pay for flowers to go on the alter. We did.

After the ceremony, though, there was a suggestion (yes, same meaning of "suggestion" as before) to leave them behind as a donation to the church. We agreed. It made sense, though. I didn't feel like putting someone in charge of collecting them and the pew flowers, so we just left them as a donation.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What other unknown costs of church wedding did you have?

Planning a church wedding?

Be sure to read our

What Exactly Is Pre-Cana? (And answers to all your other marriage prep questions) post.

Everything You Need To Know About Getting Married During Lent

If you're Christian, you know Ash Wednesday starts the Lenten season. What you may not know is that if you get married during the Lenten season, there are some rules you have to follow. If you didn't know, well, this post will tell you everything you need to know.

If you're planning a church wedding, click that link for some more posts with info you might also not know.

If you're Catholic, you know that Lent is supposed to be a time of reflection and sacrifice.

For a couple that's getting married during the season, well, that means you're sacrificing a few things too. Like decorations and flowers in your church service.

Yup, there's no decorating the church during Lent. Didn't know that? That's why we wrote this everything you need to know about getting married during Lent post.

Everything You Need To Know About Getting Married During Lent

Affiliate links are included in this post and A Bride On A Budget may make a commission if you use them.

A few years ago, I was out with my friend Nicole, chatting about weddings, and she brought up a friend who planned her wedding and church ceremony, all blind to the fact that her wedding was happening during Lent.

And that meant no decorations at the church.

No white tulle pew bows. No flowers adorning the alter. Nope, nada, zippo, zilch.

On one hand, it sure saves a lot of money.

Having a bow on every pew and a runner down the aisle can get expensive. And those flower arrangements up on the alter, ones that you're asked to donate to the church after, those aren't cheap.

So getting married during Lent eliminates those costs (and since it's a church mandated order, it stops you from looking cheap).

But, on the other hand, it might make your photos inside the church a little lackluster.

Pete and I planned a summer wedding, so this wasn't something we had to keep in mind, but it is just one small aspect of the wedding planning to think about that you maybe didn't consider when you got engaged.

So, think about this before you pick a date.

Ash Wednesday, Easter, and the Lenten season change annually. So, even if the date you love is in the clear this year, it might not be during the year you get married.

There are a few other things to keep in mind when getting married during Lent, so let's chat about those.

What days during Lent can you get married?

The church allows couples to get married during Lent, but there are exceptions.

You can't get married on Good Friday and Holy Saturday (the Friday and Saturday before Easter). 

There's no official decree that says couples can't get married on Easter Sunday, but it is regarded as one of the holiest days in the church. So there's a very high chance that a priest won't allow an Easter Sunday wedding.

Plus, you know, I'm not a fan of holiday weekend weddings anyway, so I would suggest you take the whole weekend off.

Another thing to keep in mind is that many churches will do Stations of the Cross on Friday evenings. Ours actually does soup and stations.

So, if you're hoping for a Friday wedding, you may have to host it earlier in the day than usual since the church will be booked later on.

Can your wedding have a full Catholic mass during Lent?

So, when you go to mass, you're actually celebrating mass. And during Lent, you're supposed to minimize the celebrating.

So some Catholic churches will not allow a full mass for your wedding if it's during Lent. You'll have to check with your specific church on this one.

Some churches will do a full Catholic mass but will skip the wine so you can have a "sober" mass.

Personally, I don't agree with this because the wine is meant to be the blood of Christ, but the law was passed in Rome in the 1990's. And since I'm not getting remarried, and not in Rome for sure, my disagreement is naught. 

Can you have singing at your wedding during Lent?

This is another one that is up to the discretion of your church.

Some churches say you can't have a full celebration during Lent. And celebrating includes singing. So the church may say that you can get married, but there cannot be any singing.

That's actually not just reserved to weddings.

Small aside, but if you're planning a funeral during Lent, the church will say the funeral must take place with minimal fanfare, which means no singing.

One of the most important things for me was to have Ave Maria sang at our wedding. It was my grandma's favorite church song, and my parents had it sang (sung?) during their wedding ceremony. So it was important for me to have it sang (sung?) during our wedding.

A lack of singing would definitely have had me change our wedding date.

If singing during the ceremony isn't that important to you, then you don't have to worry about this.

What meals can you serve if you're getting married during Lent?

Getting married during Lent means you may have to change your wedding menu.

For Christians, there's no meat on Friday. So if you're having a Saturday wedding, with a Friday rehearsal dinner, you want to make sure you're offering meatless options. And if you're having a Friday wedding, you want to keep this in mind for your wedding menu.

Maybe you don't observe Lent, so you're not worried about vegetarian dinners, but some of your guests will be. And you don't want them to feel uncomfortable -- or hungry.

You want to make sure that these meatless meals are also actually vegetarian. Soup sounds vegetarian, but many soups are made with beef or chicken broth, so Christians can't eat them.

Double and triple check with your caterer before choosing your menu.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What small detail did you not realize until after you were engaged? Let us know in the comments.

What Exactly Is Pre-Cana? (And answers to all your other marriage prep questions)

I grew up Catholic, going to church every Sunday, and it became something that was really important to me. So of course, there was never a doubt that I was going to be married in a church. I knew that meant we would have to take Pre-Cana classes but, honestly, I didn't even know what that meant.

I tried googling, but there wasn't really any comprehensive post about what Pre-Cana is, so I figured I would put one together. Plus, I have a long list of questions answered at the end. Now, just for the record: This is all based on our Pre-Cana experience. I don't work for a church and I'm not associated with any Pre-Cana programs.

What exactly is Pre-Cana?

Pre-Cana, if that term is completely unfamiliar to you, is pre-wedding preparation that must be completed prior to getting married in the church. Most churches will refer to it as Pre-Cana, however some diocese have adopted the a more modern term "marriage prep."

Small aside: Cana was the location of the wedding feast where Jesus turned water into wine. That's where the name Pre-Cana comes from.

Our Pre-Cana course was one full day, beginning at 9am and running until about 3pm. Many churches will split this over multiple days (as either a weekend retreat or just multiple sessions) or even require you to attend a course over a six-month period of time. Because of this, you need to check with your church to get the outline of its Pre-Cana course. That will help you set your timeline of when you need to get this done.

What do you do at Pre-Cana?

At the very core of it, Pre-Cana is a way for couples to open a dialogue and discuss topics that need to be discussed before getting married: fiances, children, faith, career, etc. These may be topics that you have already discussed, but I think they're ones that couples try to avoid. It's not very romantic to sit down with your husband and decide who is going to balance the checkbook for the rest of your lives. But it's something that you need to decide because if you both hate knowing how much money is in your bank account, or if one of you just spends until you get an overdraft letter to stop you, that's something that can cause a conflict in your marriage. Pre-Cana starts that dialogue for you.

Our Pre-Cana class was very structured. We all said our names, wedding date, where we were from, and our faith, and then we did a lot of listening. We were given a  "Together for Life" booklet and a "Fully Engaged" workbook.

There was an opening prayer followed by a theology of marriage clergy talk, given by the father of the church. We then had a workbook exercise on differences, division of labor, and family origin.

A married couple then came to give us a talk on finance, career, and stewardship. The man actually spoke about how he would ask for a women's credit score on their first date. It's the sort of question that would cause me to not have a second date with a man, but the woman's answer sometimes resulted in him not wanting a second date. He just wanted to make sure that woman wouldn't drag his great credit score down. And that's silly, in theory, because you should fall in love with a man, not his wallet. But, realistically, his credit score will weigh on you, and vice versa. Do you know your man's spending habits? Does he know if you have tons of student loans? These topics, while dull and unromantic, will come up in the future when you are trying to buy a house and it's important to discuss them.

After the chat, we had a workbook exercise on fiances. We each went to separate rooms to fill out the worksheet, then reconvened to compare our answers. Anything that didn't match was something we discussed at length.

The next couple spoke about the sacraments of marriage and prayer life. That was the most powerful. The couple wasn't a picture perfect pair who had everything amazing happen to them. It was a real couple who, very honestly, shared their personal story with us. It forced everyone to acknowledge that marriage isn't always sunshine and roses, but that does not mean that you give up.

We then did a worksheet on the sacrament of marriage.

Then we had lunch.

And lots of beverages, apparently.

Next was a talk on communication and conflict resolution, plus a workshop. I think this was the easiest of them all, really. If you're in a relationship long enough to decide that you want to get married, you've gone through conflicts. You know how to resolve them.

According to my paper, we had a Five Love Languages video and exercise next, but I can't remember it. At all. Like not even one little bit.

The last talk was natural family planning. The woman who gave the talk was really knowledgeable and open. It was the most faith based of the talks, but it was an important topic no matter what your faith. You and your husband need to discuss if you're going to have children -- and what your plan for having (or not having) them is and how you will raise them. This is something you should discuss before you bring a child into the world. As with the other talks, there was a worksheet that followed.

After, we wrote a love letter to each other. I had always said I had no plans to write our vows, but this was pretty close. Following a day of being really open and honest with each other and discussing things that couples should, you got to write a letter to each other. I still have the one Pete wrote me. It was just so sweet and touching.

There was a closing prayer, we got a certificate to give to our church, and that was that.

What do you do after Pre-Cana?

There is an online questionnaire that you fill out. It asks you a bunch of questions that stem from what you discussed at Pre-Cana and you answer either agree, disagree, or undecided. You and your fiance have to answer separately so you don't cheat off each other. The results are then sent to your church. You make an appointment and sit down with a couple from the church who explains the questionnaire to you, then leaves you alone to go over the answers.

The purpose of this is not to tell you that you can't get married. The church won't step in for that, no matter how many of your answers match (or don't). It is just to show you any red flags that might appear that you should discuss.

This is the only time you see your results. You do not get a copy of the test to compare notes down the road. They're not around for posterity. You can't say, "Remember during Pre-Cana you said ... " and then bring the results out for evidence of flip flopping. This is just a vehicle to get you and your fiance to talk; it's not something to hold over each other's heads later in life.

Pre-Cana Questions

1. Do you have to do Pre-Cana at your own church?
No. You're also not required to do it in your own diocese even.

2. Is it free?
Ours wasn't. Our course cost us $125. Your fee may vary based on your church and diocese.

3. Do you have to go together?
Yes, you and your fiance must both attend at the same time.

4. Is Pre-Cana required?
Only if you want to get married in a Catholic church.

5. When do you do it?
The timeline is up to you, but the Pre-Cana classes and time you sit to discuss your questionnaire results must be completed before you get married.

6. How long is Pre-Cana?
Ours was about six hours, beginning at 9am and running until about 3pm.

6. Was it worth it?
Absolutely. Even couples who have been together for years or even living together can benefit from this. It's all marriage-based and very little faith-based. We went in not knowing what, exactly, to expect and I think it was definitely a benefit for us. Pete doesn't come to church with me on Sundays, but he even saw the benefits of Pre-Cana.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Have any other Pre-Cana questions? Leave them in the comments and I'll be sure to answer as best I can.

Pre-cana is good even if you're not Catholic.

Check out Pete's post: Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious).

How Nicholas Sparks Almost Ruined Our Wedding (aka How you can try plan for everything for your wedding, but you can't plan for everything)

When I was planning our wedding, I planned for everything. I mean, I really went overboard planning out every single scenario.

What will our one vegetarian friend have for dinner? (I ordered her a special meal.) How will the guests know to check out the candy buffet? (I asked the singer of our wedding band to announce it.)

And then, three of so weeks before our wedding, we stopped for coffee on the way home from the beach. While we were waiting to pick it up, I turned to look at the billboard affixed with business cards and advertisements. And there, right in the middle, was a poster for the Wilmington Triathlon. On the day of our wedding. Right where our church was.

My heart skipped a beat. Then two.

I didn't plan for triathlon runners to sprint right through my wedding. I just imagined my guests trying to simultaneously park and dodge competitors. As my triathlon experience has taught me, they would be coming in droves, causing a delay to my guests. And I was trying to figure out how to bring that up to every guest. "So, you may want to arrive early as triathlon runners may cause you a delay."

I took a photo of the poster to send to my mom, and that's when I saw the timing of it. It ended 90 or so minutes before our ceremony started, at the exact time Pete and his groomsmen were getting picked up by the limo. If the limo so perfectly timed the three mile trip, it wouldn't come in contact with the triathlon cleanup. The start and finish of the run was far enough away from our church that parking would be clear for our guests. And no one would ever know.

As quickly as my stress came, it left. But I still continued planning for every scenario.

What if the weather looks grim? (I packed a sun doll). What if someone sneaks into a family photo? (I told the photographer ahead of time so she was ready to take two sets).

What I didn't plan for was Nicholas Sparks. Yes, that Nicholas Sparks. Author of all your favorite love stories, like The Notebook, White People Almost Kissing, and How I Almost Ruined Lisa & Pete's Wedding Rehearsal.

As much as we love our town, so does Nicholas Sparks. When we moved down here, he was filming Safe Haven (and Pete even got on set). And the day of our rehearsal dinner, he was filming The Longest Ride. On the day of our wedding rehearsal. Right where our church was (and Pete even got on set. Again.).

There's a parking lot next to our church, in front of the church's school, where our guests could park. But the day of our rehearsal at the church, the crew was using that parking lot for equipment and were filming in classrooms inside the school. A big "film crew only" sign was taped to the lot's entrance.

I parked across the street from the church, then walked in alone (everyone else had yet to arrive) and thought about what might happen if filming ran over into our wedding day. The parking lot would be unavailable to guests and the classroom where my bridesmaids and I were to wait before the ceremony might be used to film.

And then I just laughed because I planned for every single scenario except if Nicholas Sparks decided to film a movie on my wedding day. At that point, there was nothing I could do but thank my lucky stars that I had really plotted out every other scenario.

Would a Friday wedding be a good idea? (No, stick to Saturday so people have to take one less day off work). Is street parking available if people can't use the lot? (Yes.)

And after I said a silent prayer of thanks (I was in a church after all) for picking a Saturday wedding, in walked Pete, a few minutes late. "Hi," he said to me. "Any idea why people are asking if I'm part of the film crew? Are we filming this?"

Clearly, he missed the big sign on the lot. But hey, he was marrying his best friend in 22 hours. He had more important things on his mind than a film crew. Me, well, I was still working out every potential scenario in my mind.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What potential wedding catastrophe could you never have anticipated?

Five Things You Can Borrow (Instead Of Buy) For Your Wedding

The easiest way to save money on your wedding is to just not spend it. I get it, that sounds pretty ridiculous because there's no such thing as a free wedding. Even the cheapest of weddings requires you to pay for a marriage license. But still, hear me out. If you want to save money, don't spend it. And you can not spend it by borrowing.

Chances are, you're not the first person you know who is getting married. And if you are, there's a good chance you're not the first person to have a reception at the venue of your choice. So borrow from your friends, borrow from your venue, borrow from anyone who is offering because the more you can borrow, the less you have to buy.

Now, there are some things you definitely don't want to borrow, like a wedding dress. Most brides want their very own, one that hasn't already gone through a wedding night. But there are a few things that you can definitely borrow (or at least try to borrow) to save your budget.

Here -- in order of your wedding day, not order of significance -- is my list of five things you can borrow (instead of buy) for your wedding.

Five Things You Can Borrow (Instead Of Buy) For Your Wedding

1. Bridal Accessories

I will never in my life wear a garter belt again. The only reason I wore one this time was so Pete could throw it (and, as you can see in the photo above, so my brother could put it on his girlfriend's leg). I was super lucky that my friend Nicole offered me hers to borrow because I didn't need to spend money on one but I did need something borrowed. Plus, she actually used hers as her something blue (if you look close, you can see the blue in it), so I was able to use it as my something blue also.

I did buy my veil -- which I absolutely loved more than I can explain -- but I also lent it out after my wedding. So I didn't get to save money on that personally, but I did get to save another bride money.

And then, of course, don't forget about bridal jewelry. Many brides will borrow something from their mom or grandmother for their wedding day, so that means you don't have to go out and spend money on jewelry. Plus, you'll feel really special saying I do wearing a piece from your family.

Savings: around $420 ($20 for the garter, around $150 for the veil, and around $250 for a complete set of bridal jewelry)

2. Church decor.

When we met with a florist and were listing out the items we wanted in our package, I mentioned that our church had huge calla lilies on the doors one Easter and I thought they were gorgeous. I asked the florist how much those might be. "Actually," she said, "your church has beautiful white wreaths that it puts out on wedding days. You can probably just ask them for those." When we met with the priest, I asked him and he said that the church puts those out, unless the couple doesn't want them.

Yes, we wanted them. And since these were something the church provided, they were definitely the right size to fit the large church doors. I didn't have to worry about a florist guessing the correct size and being off -- making them either too large or too small for the doors. We didn't have to pay any extra to use these, so we could forget about that expense.

Savings: at least $240 (that's my approximation for what the wreaths may have cost us; your savings will depend on what you can borrow.)

3. Program holders

I could have gone to the dollar store to buy baskets to hold our wedding programs, And that would have cost me two dollars. And in real life, two dollars is basically nothing. But when you're planning a wedding, two dollars saved is huge. So when we were talking to the priest about programs (and he was absolutely set on the fact that we needed them), he said he had matching baskets that we could use to hold our programs.

What's nice is that I actually see these baskets at mass every week. I had never noticed them before, but they catch my eye every week now. And it's just nice to see them and be reminded of our wedding every Sunday. And to be reminded of the couple bucks we saved because the priest mentioned he had them.

Wherever you get married, there's a good chance there has a been a wedding before you. And they probably had programs because most weddings do. So ask your venue if they have a basket you can use to hold them. Chances are they do.

Savings: $2 (plus tax)

4. Centerpieces

We really lucked out in this department.

I wasn't sure what I wanted for centerpieces and Pinterest was letting me down. I knew I wanted something with sand and vases and maybe floating candles. But other than that, I was kind of lost. I knew I didn't want floral centerpieces because one) it wouldn't go with our beach theme and two) floral centerpieces are really expensive.

When we had our tasting at the venue, the on-site coordinator asked me our plan for centerpieces, and I basically paraphrased the above paragraph. She asked me to hold on a moment and came back with the centerpiece in the top photo in this post. She said they host dinners at the venue sometimes and that's what they use for centerpieces, then told me we could use them for free. Perfect. Done. That's our own rock sand in the centerpieces (we got that from the beach behind the house in the Outer Banks where Pete's family stays each summer) and the seashells are ones I collected on the beach down in North Carolina last summer. The portions I added were free (and made them our own) and use from the venue was free. That saved us a ton of money ... and potential aggravation. I mean, if we had bought that for all the tables, we would end up with eleven mirrored plates, thirty three small votive holders, and eleven hurricane glass vases. We absolutely did not need any of that. And yes, most guests do take the centerpieces from weddings, but the majority of our guests traveled from New York to our wedding. They weren't going to be taking these vases in their carry ons, so I was so happy to have gotten to borrow them from the venue.

So before you start buying items for your centerpieces, ask your venue. You might end up with exactly what you wanted for absolutely nothing out of pocket.

Savings: between $50 and $100 per table, on average (ten tables and that's around $500 savings if you go with the low end of floral centerpieces.)

5. Cake Knife & Server

You do not need to bring your own cake knife to your wedding, unless your venue specifies that you do. Chances are the reception venue has had couples cut the cake before and has a knife you can use. Done. Simple. Easy.

We brought our own Reed & Barton bridal set, and it was pretty and great and something I thought would be nice to pass down to our own children one day. It came in a nice padded box and would have kept well for decades until our children -- who do not even exist in our plans right now -- were old enough to get married. We were gifted it so it wasn't something that we spent money on, which was great because the box that the set came in never got returned to us from the venue. So it's something we can pass on, but it's just not as nice. And who knows. Maybe our kids won't even have cakes to cut at the wedding. Is it worth it to buy a cake knife to use for a few photos and then keep in a drawer for decades? No. Just borrow one from the venue. That works just as well.

Savings: about $45

Total savings from these items: at least $1,200 -- and that's my safe, fairly average approximation of things. Imagine how much you could get if you spent that $1,200 elsewhere. Just don't spend it on anything from my list of the five things you can absolutely skip at your wedding or your savings will be in vain.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What else can you borrow instead of buy for your wedding?

Five Hidden Wedding Costs

It was two days before the wedding. Pete was out with his friends who were already in town and I was sitting on the floor in the guest bedroom, putting together our thank you gifts for the bridal party. In the middle of stuffing gift bags, I got a text from our photographer with the balance. It included tax.

I wrote back, "Sounds great" or something similar, but in fact, it wasn't great. I don't know why it didn't cross my mind, but I didn't consider that we would have to pay tax. We had the money so it was fine, but two days before your wedding, you don't often have money to spare.

To help you plan ahead, I put together a list of five hidden wedding costs. Keep this list handy so you're not caught off guard when you're at the end of planning.

Five Hidden Wedding Costs

1. The priest (and other church personnel).
A week before my cousin's March wedding, it snowed. I was sitting in my grandma's room and it was really cold. "Text Erica and tell her to give the church a bigger donation so they will turn the heat on for her wedding," my grandma said. I did just that and my cousin replied saying she had already paid them quite a bit.

Paid? I wondered. Turns out, yes, you have to pay the church. That makes sense. Even if you attend church each week and give a weekly donation, you don't get to get married there for free. You pay the church. My cousin let me know you also pay the organist and the soloist (if you have music during your ceremony), the alter boy, and the liturgical assistant.

What I didn't know, though, was there is a "suggested gift" you give to the priest. And that suggested gift ... it's not really suggested. The day of the rehearsal dinner, the liturgical assistant came up to me to ask for the priest's gift. Good thing I brought it with me just in case.

2. Vendor meals.
I was talking to my friend Nicole before our wedding and told her we were planning on  having a band instead of a DJ. "You know you have to feed them, right?" Nope. I didn't know. You actually pay for a meal for every vendor who will be at your wedding. It's not completely mandatory, but it is customary. So your band or DJ, photographer(s), videographer(s) ... they all need to eat. We were lucky that our venue only charged us half price for vendors.

When you choose your band, remember that a nine-piece will cost more (for meals) than a three-piece. And when you give your head count to your venue, give your total guests (including you and your fiance) and then a separate count of vendors.

3. Service charges and tax.
The first venue we sat down at went over charges with us. As I was looking at the price sheet, I noticed a 21% service charge would be applied, plus 7% tax. This charge appeared all over. So in addition to calculating the price per plate and setting our budget accordingly, we also had to tack on nearly 30%. If you forget about this cost (or don't know it exists until your final bill), you'll have serious shock at the final price.

4. Alterations.
It's not that people forget about this. I don't think anyone actually thinks that you buy a dress and alterations are free. But I also don't think anyone knows the cost of alterations until they actually have to pay for them. To get a bridesmaid dress altered, I was told it would be $60 to move the hemline 1-inch. I figured the bride wouldn't be coming out with a ruler to measure, so I saved the $60. I did pay the $15 to put a bone in (it's basically a little strip of plastic down the front of your dress that you stuff in your bra so your boobs don't fall out when you lean over).

For my wedding dress, I was really lucky. Every dress shop told me I was "made for a wedding dress" meaning that my frame fit perfectly into a size, so the alterations on my dress were very minimal. I didn't need it hemmed at all and I didn't need it taken in either. I had cups put in to help me fill out the top, I had a belt sewn in, I had a bustle built. It only set me back $75, which was amazing, but the seamstress I used was incredible and runs a small shop in town. I know of dress shops that do alterations in house -- and charge 10% of the cost of the dress to do it if you pay on the day of order. If you wait until after, those shops will charge you per item (as most do) and it can cost you around 20% of your dress' price.

5. Delivery charges.
We used a preferred vendor for our cake and tied it into our wedding package. That means the company delivered our cake for free. They also didn't charge us for our tasting or cake stand. Our florist, however, charged us delivery for the flowers it dropped off at the church plus the petals and bucket it allegedly dropped at the venue. You know what? I never saw those petals and the bucket never appeared. I'm guessing they were dropped off and never made it to the ballroom, which is fine but we did pay for them to get there.

But keep these in mind when you're hiring vendors. If you want your florist to bring flowers to you and your bridesmaids at home, your fiance at a hotel, and your venue, that's three deliveries and three delivery charges. Try to consolidate drop offs and you can save a little bit of cash.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What hidden wedding costs did you not know about until you were planning?

Review: Wedding Programs From MagnetStreet

A Bride On A Budget received these programs for review. All thoughts and opinions belong to ABOAB.

In order for us to get married in the church, there had a series of meetings we needed to have. There was the initial meeting with the church's wedding coordinator, a full day of marriage prep at a neighboring church, a meeting with a married couple in the church, and a meeting with the priest who was saying our mass.

At the meeting with our priest, the first thing he did was show us programs from other weddings. He liked the wording in one of the programs but hated the size (because it wouldn't fit in a man's pocket properly). He gave us another program because it contained a lot of information about the church and the priest thought we might want to add that since it was recently given the distinction of a Basilica.

So that solidified it.

We needed wedding programs.

I hadn't really thought of them during the planning process. I knew they were something we could hold off doing until the very end … and I left them there (along with the menus. Nothing was contingent on printing programs so I knew I wasn't holding anything back by taking my time with them).

I checked out MagnetStreet's website. I had heard great things about the company (I'm pretty sure my friend who was married two years ago used them) but I had never personally ordered from there so I wasn't sure what to expect.

I went to the website and was really impressed. You could sort by product, and that included sizes and types of programs. Because of our priest's comment, I knew I wanted to pick a tea length size (that's about 4x9, perfect for pockets). MagnetStreet actually had a ton of choices of tri-fold tea length programs, which was great. Programs require so much text but I was excited to see a tri-fold option because I knew I could fit everything we needed but still have spaces for blank sections.

After deciding on the size, I was able to filter by style. That part was easy. Beach wedding requires beach programs. (You can also filter by color or collection if you don't have a theme).

  

I absolutely fell in love with the Sunset Silhouette programs. The default colors didn't matter (although they were green, tan, and white). What MagnetStreet allows, which is a huge plus for brides, is that you can customize almost anything to your wedding colors. Ours were eggplant, lilac, and silver, so I changed the entire background of the program to silver and made the silhouette a dark purple. I used a pop of white on the cover and a little tan on the inside (because lilac was just lost on the silver background and tan and sand and beach all seem to work). It was so easy to just change the colors. There are a bunch that you can just select by a simple click, but if you know HTML and have a specific color code in mind, you can translate that to saturation and have a color that absolutely matches your theme.

Editing was super easy. I just typed in the information and positioned it where and how I wanted. I took a few days to work on it and just saved it in my account every time. When I was ready to work on it again, I just could pick up where I left off. That was really, really helpful for us because we ended up having a last minute personnel change. It was so easy to just go into my saved program, add a second ring bearer, and resave it.

You then choose what paper you want them printed on: Premium Smooth, Fine Linen, Pressed Texture, and Luxe Pearl. Different papers mean different prices though. Premium Smooth is the base price, Fine Linen and Pressed Texture are 10 cents more per program, and Luxe Pearl is 15 cents above Premium Smooth. You will get a price break if you order multiples (although you can order just one for $10 so you can check it out and that $10 will credit towards your final purchase).

Premium Smooth is a smooth, matte paper with an eggshell finish. Fine Linen is textured to appear like a linen fabric. Pressed Texture is a matte paper with very distinct texture (great if you're going for a handmade or watercolor look). And Luxe Pearl, which we went with, is imported from Italy and gives a pearl texture to the paper. I hadn't seen it prior to ordering, but I figured Pete is Italian so that was a nice throw to him (even if my parents were the only guests who knew it was Italian paper).

When I finally decided on the type of paper and made our last minute correction, I was ordering fairly close to the wedding. MagnetStreet assured me that my programs would arrive in time – and they arrived earlier than expected.

Thank goodness for that because when they arrived, we needed to “assemble” them. Okay, assembly only means folding on the creases. Even my dad commented on the ease of folding. It took nearly no effort to fold on the given lines. And if you look at the photo above, you can actually see the distinct creases. It was so simple to just fold in one side, fold in the other, and be done.

After we spent Tuesday morning folding, though, the programs weren't flat.

So my dad had an idea of piling books on top of the programs so they would lay flat. We started with one small book but eventually, we had six picture albums and two heavy books on top of the programs. It worked. By the time we were bringing them to the church on Saturday afternoon, they were so flat, it looked like we had taken an iron to them.

The programs were gorgeous, by the way. They had an iridescent pearl shine to them, which really made the silver and white pop. The purple was a little muted, which was good because it made the shine of the other colors seem so special. Inside, the majority of the text was purple and the background was silver so it was just gorgeous. Not that I'm bias, but these were the nicest wedding programs I've ever seen. Most are on printer paper or cardstock, but this Luxe Pearl was something special that I've never seen before. Absolutely worth the extra 15 cents per program (especially since that's only an extra $15 per 100 programs. And when you're spending so much money on your wedding anyway, you won't notice an extra $15 from your budget, but you will absolutely notice how much more regal your programs are).
I saved two programs for myself so that I could frame them. If you look at the program photos above, you can see how the program laying flat really does look like a beach scene with our names and date on it. It looks like art. I actually like them so much that I'm going to purchase a large frame, put both sides it in, and hang it on the wall. Honestly, there are so few keepsakes from your wedding that you can actually keep and display permanently. These gorgeous programs are ones that you really can display and enjoy for forever.
BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you make wedding programs?

Wedding To Do List ...

It's a Monday. It should feel like a Monday. I should be sluggish and lazy and drinking extra cups of coffee to make it through.

Except I have been running non-stop all day.

My Monday To Do List:
1. Wait for the favors to arrive (since they require a signature).
2. Call the dress shop and make an appointment.
3. Go to the post office to mail our save the dates.
4. Go to the church to pay the deposit.
5. Meet with the wedding photographer.

Thank goodness I'm my own boss and I understood that I had stuff to do. So I gave myself time off.

The weather, however, wasn't as understanding.

It was (unexpectedly) pouring. Also, there was a pause every step of the way. So my list really looked like this:
My Monday To Do List (revised):
1. Wait for the favors to arrive.
2. Call the dress shop and leave a message because no one answered.
3. Continue waiting for the favors to arrive.
4. Check the front door and see the boxes with the favors are there and didn't need a signature after all.
5. Take a shower (and miss the call back from the dress shop).
6. Grab the save the dates -- and an umbrella because it looks like it's about to rain.
7. Go to the post office.
8. Pull into a parking spot and prepare for the monsoon that is hitting
9. Attempt to mail the save the date cards (and silently say a prayer after asking the clerk if they are light enough for one stamp).
10. Breathe (when the clerk says one stamp is sufficient).
11. Start driving to the church. Watch the rain stop.
12. Pull into the church's parking lot just as the rain starts again.
13. Attempt to pay the deposit.
14. Find out that parishioners pay a lower sanctuary fee.
15. Register for the church (since I go there every week).
16. Pay the deposit (and save $100).
17. Find out that the church has three meetings with us before the wedding, not just one (and silently say a prayer to figure out how to explain that to Pete).
18. Call the dress shop back and make an appointment.
*19. Meet with the wedding photographer.

That No. 19, it hasn't happened yet. We still have about an hour until we're meant to leave. Hopefully it goes a lot smoother than the rest of today's list has gone.
BRIDAL BABBLE: Does this happen with your to do lists too or is it just me?

Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious)

This Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious) post is written by Pete. For all his posts, check out this link.

Pre-Cana. What? Yea, exactly. I had no idea what (or who?) "Cana" was, so my confusion only increased when I heard there was something that should be done before (pre) cana, whatever it was.

Basically, it's an event that takes place in a church and is something many couples partake in before they tie the knot. To be honest, I was glad Lisa and I did it for one important reason: It gives you and your partner the opportunity to discuss some big issues you may not have discussed on your own. So here we go. Today's topic is: Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious).

 Why Pre-Cana Is Beneficial (even if you're not religious)

Let me start by saying that I couldn't be any less religious, so when Lisa told me there was some religious-based thing called pre-cana that we have to do before we got married, I was less than thrilled, even before I knew what it was. The fact that it was at a church, or was even tangentially connected to a church, was enough to dissuade me.

Don't jump ship yet fellas. It's not really a course, at least it wasn't for us. We went once, and I actually wound up seeing a friend there, so that was cool. We went to a bar after, which made the trip worth it. Basically, at some point in the past, a bunch of Catholic Bishops decided that the following topics are "must have conversations" couples should have before they marry:

• Spirituality/Faith
• Conflict Resolution Skills
• Careers
• Finances
• Intimacy/Cohabitation
• Children
• Commitment

Honestly, much of the fundamental subject matter wasn't even of a religious nature. The people who conduct the course are religious people, and in the end they managed to put a religious spin on all of the topics covered, but the concept itself is a good idea. For example, how many couples actually sit down and discuss finances in detail, or how they plan to resolve disagreements when they come up? In the end, the term "pre-cana" could have just been swapped with "pre-counseling" once you filter out the religious spin. That's kind of what it was.

Basically, whether you're religious or not, having a conversation with you future partner-to-be about these important topics is just a common sense good idea. Period. Well, that's my opinion anyways.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you attend a pre-cana class?

Having a church wedding?

Check out these posts: What Exactly Is Pre-Cana?
(And answers to all your other marriage prep questions) post.

Unknown Costs Of Church Weddings

Why You Should Book A Limo For Your Wedding (and what you should ask before booking)

I went with my friend to a bridal expo and sat inside a limo.

"Do you need transportation?" asked Amanda, the owner of Event Shuttle Service.

"Yes," I said. "But it's sort of a logistical nightmare."

"Let me grab a pen," Amanda said, opening to a blank page in her notebook. "Okay. Go."

So I told her I needed a limo to pick up Pete and his groomsmen (for a total, at that time, nine) from a hotel, drive them to the church (in a different town, across a bridge), (come back across that bridge to the town where the guys were) pick me and my bridesmaids up (at that time, nine), drive us to the church (you know, on the other side of the bridge), then all 18 or so of us would need to be driven around to take photos and then to the reception (which is across a different bridge).

"That's all?" Amanda said. "That's not bad."

It was so refreshing to know that transportation for our bridal party was not bad. And someone else's problem. All I had to do was tell Amanda where and when and a limo was there waiting.

But it got better, really.

Amanda said she would send a smaller Mercedes Benz sprinter limo to pick the bridal party up and bring everyone to the church. Then, when the ceremony was happening, the driver would bring the limo (and all our bags) back to the depot. Another driver would load our stuff into an XL sprinter and would be waiting for us after the ceremony. Amanda had a specific second driver in mind. He had done weddings numerous times before and would be able to take us somewhere for amazing post-ceremony photos.

This is us and the first driver, Theresa.

I was so happy with all  that.

But we didn't stop with just booking for the bridal party. Since almost all of our guests were from out of town and staying at the same hotel, we rented two sprinters to go to and from the hotel bringing guests to the wedding. The sprinters would return after the reception to bring guests back.

Amanda assured me that even though we booked the limos until 11:15pm, they wouldn't strand any guests.

This is Pete and our second driver.

Everything went smoothly.

Theresa from Event Shuttle Service picked the guys up in a limo stocked with beverages, drove them to the church, and then we were picked up. At the church, before the ceremony started, one of my bridesmaids looked at me. "Um," she said, "I left the rings in the limo."

I was zen bride. I wasn't stressing over anything.

"We'll just call the driver and ... " I paused. No. We wouldn't be doing that. Her number was in my phone. And my phone, along with the bag with our rings, was in the limo. All my bridesmaids' phones ... in their purses ... in the limo.

Enter our photographer to the rescue. She googled Event Shuttle Service and handed me the phone. To my surprise, Amanda was there and answered the phone. I told her the situation. "No problem," she said. "I'll call the driver and tell her to turn back around." And minutes later, Theresa was back with the rings.

Around 11:45pm -- a solid half hour after our rental time was over -- I was heading up to our hotel room with a friend. And I saw Theresa again.

"I just wanted to make sure everyone was back to the hotel already. Or do you have guests who still need a ride?" she asked. Everyone is back, I told her, and thanked her for staying the extra time.

The next day, my mom told me everyone was so impressed with the shuttles. Not only did it assure that our guests didn't need a designated driver and could enjoy our open bar, the shuttles were stocked with soda and water. At the end of the night, the drivers told our guests to take the rest of the drinks in the coolers. I didn't pay extra for that. It was just really, really great customer service. I was so impressed with Event Shuttle Service (so impressed that this post about why you should book a limo has basically turned into a love letter).

But, the question remains: Should you book a limo for your wedding?

Yes. Absolutely yes.

Why You Should Book A Limo For Your Wedding

1. No one drives drunk.

If you're going to have an open bar, you're going to have guests who are drinking. Don't worry about finding them a designated driver or cutting them off so they can drive home. You already booked the driver. Just be sure to let them know before the wedding that you will have a shuttle for them. It'll cost you a couple bucks, of course, but it's worth it.

2. You don't have to drive.

You have so much on your mind already, so much to keep track of and so much to do. Just let someone else take care of the driving (and any potential crisis). 

3. Your whole bridal party can travel together.

If you don't book a limo, everyone has to take different cars. Unless you drive a bus, your party will have to split up in cars. This way, everyone can hang out and travel together.

What You Should Ask Before You Book A Limo For Your Wedding

1. Is the company insured?

We have an entire post here about how to find out if your limo company is insured. You absolutely need to make sure of this before you even think about booking.

2. How much does it cost?

Find out about any costs, plus any additional costs. If you add on hours at the last minute, what rate are you charged? And definitely call around town. We talked to a few companies to get quotes and the prices varied greatly. Event Shuttle Service offered us the best service for the best price. Seriously, the price we paid was less than half what any other company quoted me -- and most wouldn't switch vehicles for us. 

3. Can I see the vehicle before I book?

Most major companies will be at various wedding expos, so you'll be able to see them there. But if for some reason you skip the expos, you can head to the company's headquarters and check out the vehicles for yourself. If for some reason they say no, that's a big red flag. You want to make sure you're getting a quality limo.

And don't forget to tip your drivers. When we called Theresa to bring the rings back, my first thought was, "Thank goodness we tipped her when she left." I'm sure she would have come back either way, but it made me feel better about asking her to turn around. Plus, the drivers are taking care of you. You should tip them to say thank you.

BRIDAL BABBLE: Did you book your wedding transportation yet?

Five Things To Do With Your Wedding Flowers After Your Wedding

Wedding flowers can get really expensive. There's your bouquet, your bridesmaids' bouquets, petals for your flower girls, corsages for your moms and grandmas, boutineers for your groom, his groomsmen, any ring bearers, and the fathers, alter flowers, pew markers, and anything you decide to have for the reception.

Most couples allocate 6-percent to 8-percent of their budget for flowers (you can find a full wedding budget broken down by percentages here). We were really lucky that our venue had centerpieces we could borrow so we didn't have to spend for floral centerpieces. Plus, the flower shop we used was so reasonable (it was nearly half of what another shop quoted us for nearly identical packages). We ended up spending 4% of our budget on flowers, which is half of what I had estimated so I was happy.

But what about when the wedding is over? What should you do with your wedding flowers then?

Five Things To Do With You Wedding Flowers After The Wedding

1. Donate them

We had two large arrangements for the church's alter, plus four pew markers (so that people knew to leave those pews open for immediate family and the wedding party). When we had a meeting with the priest before our wedding, I asked what we were supposed to do with the flowers after. "Most people donate them to the church," he said, before adding, "But you can take them if you want." So we left them. We actually also donated my toss bouquet because no one thought to grab it before we left the church (which is exactly why a toss bouquet is on my list of things you can skip at your wedding).

As far as wedding bouquets, you can donate those too. You'll be taking them with you to the reception, so you won't donate to the church. But, pre-wedding, call a local nursing home or hospital. Ask them if they accept floral donations. Many of them do, so just put a bridesmaid in charge of collecting flowers (bouquets, centerpieces, decor) and driving them to donate the next day. Just be sure to keep the flowers hydrated overnight so you're not donating wilted and half-dead flowers.

2. Preserve them

I am a big supporter of using silica gel to preserve your wedding flowers. It's a time-consuming process (and most of that time is waiting) but you can do it at home. And the flowers come out absolutely amazing, especially compared to drying them. The colors are so bright and vibrant. I have an entire post on how to preserve your flowers at home, so definitely take a look at that.

If you don't care about colors, you can always just dry them. Instructions for that are in the link above also.

I actually did what I could with silica gel (you need a container for that and mine had limited space) and left the rest of the bouquet to dry on its own. I actually have the dried bouquet sitting on my work desk. 

3. Create a shadow box from them

After you've preserved them, you'll want something to do with them. You can be like me and leave them sitting on your desk or you can create a display. You best bet is a shadow box. You can purchase them in a variety of sizes. If you've never seen one, they're basically plump frames. Instead of having room only for a thin, flat paper like a frame, these are wide so you can fit a bunch of stuff between the glass and the backing. You can pin your flowers to look like your arrangement or just add a few petals along with other wedding mementos.

4. DIY a Christmas ornament

If you're even a little bit crafty, you can put together a Christmas ornament with your flowers. Just purchase some glass ornaments and put pieces of your wedding bouquet inside. These is really great if you have any sort of jeweled embellishments on your bouquet. Plus, you can use the tulle from your handle as the ribbon for the top. You can check out my DIY Christmas ornament tutorial, but this is pretty self explanatory. 

This is a great thing for people who aren't too sentimental and don't want to see wedding flowers displayed 24/7. This goes on your tree during the holiday season and then it goes back in a box for another year. You're sentimental, but not year round (plus, if you need a constant reminder that you got married, just turn around and look at your groom).

5. Throw them out

Oh my heart hurts at that suggestion, but that's because I am the most sentimental pack rat you will ever meet. I can throw magazines away so easily because I don't need reminders of if Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are on again or off again. But childhood toys or handwritten notes, I can't throw them away because I can't get them back. And that's how I feel with anything wedding related. The day comes and goes and you don't get a do over. But, honestly, you probably have tons of photos of your bouquet. If you want a reminder of how they looked, you can just go back to your wedding album. And that's a lot less clutter than the actual flowers.

But even with that photo above (and a ton of others that I took when my second bouquet came), I still couldn't bring myself to throw out my bridal bouquet.

BRIDAL BABBLE: What do you plan to do with your wedding flowers after your wedding?

Deciding on your wedding flowers?
Check out our Ultimate Wedding Flowers Guide post.